


Between

by my_silent_hour



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghosts probably, I mean its super haunted in here sometimes, Keeper of Ben's Soul, Master of his fate, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, World Between Worlds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:28:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22011091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_silent_hour/pseuds/my_silent_hour
Summary: She was grieving for him, but she didn’t know how to grieve when he was stillright there,even if he wasn’t there at all.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

_Good morning, sweetheart._

Rey stirred, smiling as a ghost of a kiss brushed her forehead. “Morning, Ben.”

_How did you sleep?_

“Well, thanks to you.”

_I tried to give you suggestive dreams._

“Suggestive? I’d say they were downright explicit.” Rey sat up slowly. Her body felt warm and stretched, as if those dreams Ben had planted in her brain had been the real thing. She yawned lazily and blinked at her surroundings. The early morning light of Takadona gave the illusion that the _Falcon_ almost gleamed, as if it hadn’t been through innumerable battles and a handful of reckless men. She stood and made up the pull-down bed, Ben teasing her in her mind about how neat she was, how much she cared about the flying piece of junk. She set to brewing some caf for herself, and sat down with it and a bit of bread she’d purchased at a market yesterday. She’d strolled through each row of vendors slowly, letting herself drink in the colors and smells and sounds, letting Ben do the same from the confines of her mind.

A month had passed since she’d defeated Palpatine, they’d won the war, and she’d buried Leia and Luke’s sabers in the sand. A month had passed since Ben gave his life to save hers, and she’d become the keeper of his soul. 

_So, where to today?_

Rey chewed on bread as she thought. Since Ben had become merely a voice in her head, they’d been jumping from planet to planet, exploring all the galaxy had to offer. Rey was restless, nervous, still afraid of the blood that ran in her veins. To add to that anxious energy, it seemed she’d taken on Ben’s as well. Moving gave her an opportunity to exorcise that energy and get herself as close to center as was possible now. And though she and Ben knew there was also another reason why she kept moving from planet to planet, he had the decency not to mention it to her:

She was grieving for him, but she didn’t know how to grieve when he was still _right there_ , even if he wasn’t there at all.

“I don’t know,” Rey said, as much to herself as Ben. She could talk to him with her thoughts, but she preferred speaking out loud; for some reason, it made him feel more there. More present. 

_I have a thought._

“Of course you do. Out with it, then. I’ve never known a Solo who could keep their mouth shut. Or a Skywalker, for that matter.”

His gentle chuckle filled her head. _And you still took the name._

Rey flushed. “Keep it up and I’ll change my last name to Dameron.” There was a grunt that was a little too Kylo and not enough Ben. “Kidding. Where to?”

_Will you take me to Chandrila?_

Rey sucked in a breath. Chandrila was the closest thing Ben had to a home, though his childhood hadn’t been altogether happy. It was his home before he’d been sent to Luke’s Jedi Academy, before he’d joined the First Order and had spent all his time on dreadnoughts. 

_You don’t think I’m ready._

“I don’t think _I’m_ ready,” Rey clarified, and the change she felt within herself mirrored Ben’s understanding—he realized she was still grieving Leia and Han.

_You could have taken the name Solo. It would have been fitting since they practically adopted you. And… well…_

Rey smiled. “Why, Ben Solo, are you proposing?”

There was no answer, but the sadness that suddenly overwhelmed her senses told Rey what she needed to know. 

“I’m sorry.”

_Don’t apologize. There are just so many things undone… So many things I wish I’d said…_

Rey set aside her caf so that she could wipe at her eyes and then, not caring how silly it was, turned in the direction that Ben’s voice seemed to come from, pleading. “There have to be other Jedi texts. Perhaps something in the ones I can’t translate myself. We could have C-3PO—”

_Rey._

Rey huffed. “The Archives, then. Surely something remains of them on Coruscant. I know he converted the Temple into his palace but I’m sure he kept the Archives somewhere.”

She still refused to say his name, or call him her grandfather. Just the words sickened her.

_I think we both know that anything that would make me, well, corporeal again, would come from the Dark Side._

“Exegol, then. I can go back. I can face it.”

 _No._ That felt more like Kylo too. There was a pattern, she’d noticed. His anger only seemed to surface when their relationship or her safety was threatened, and anger meant Kylo Ren. Kylo was gone but, like her, the Dark was always there, waiting. Even now. They were a dyad and their powers, too, were dyadic. 

“I’m not giving up on this.”

She could feel him smiling. _I know you won’t. But… let’s give ourselves time, Rey. That’s all we have right now. We both need to adjust to this arrangement. I’m used to having voices in my head; it’s entirely different to be a voice in someone else’s._

Rey laughed. “Fine. Still, I’m not sure I’m up for Chandrila. Any other ideas?”

_Naturally. There’s somewhere else I’d like to see again. I only visited once as a child but I suppose it’s another place I could see myself getting settled. Another family home, I suppose._

Rey noted the slight hesitation on the word “family,” and the slight bitterness, and tried to shift the focus of the conversation. “A place where you can see yourself getting settled, huh? And just where is that, Mr. Solo?”

She could all but see him smile. _Naboo, Ms. Skywalker. Let’s go to Naboo._

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s unacceptable. I do not accept that the only way we can be together is if we’re both dead. We’re meant for more. Of course we are. We’re a dyad. We’re meant to have _time_ together. Grow old together, have children, have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We’re meant to drive each other crazy and then pull each other back to sanity. We’re meant to cry together, laugh together. To love. This was not supposed to be the end of our journey together. It’s not right. It’s not _fair!_ And what is the point? What is the point of being the first dyad in generations, just for you to die in my arms! What’s the point in this all-powerful connection if I never get to feel your hand in mine again! What’s the point if I can’t save you this time? _What is the point?!?!”_

“Ben…”

Rey guided the _Falcon_ into Naboo’s atmosphere with ease, and then let the craft hover, taking in the sight of the planet. Takodana… now that was a lush planet. A jungle in so many ways. Green and humid and a tree canopy so thick that it was a different world above the leaves. Naboo was green and blue but a different thing entirely. Water flowed in rivers and streams everywhere she looked, carving the land into fractals of grass and trees and stone. The land rose and fell suddenly, creating ridges of waterfalls at every turn. Overhead, the sky was a sharp azure, filled with clouds that peaked like mountains on the horizon. 

_Lovely, isn’t it?_

“It’s perfect,” Rey breathed. “I suppose I expected something more like Coruscant, but this is so much slower, isn’t it? More peaceful.”

 _Life on Naboo is rather relaxed. Most of the time._ She could hear the humor in his voice. _See that building over there?_

“Ben, I think you can spot that building from the Outer Rim.”

He chuckled and was like a lovely tickle in her insides. _Yes. It’s a palace, but it’s actually a minor palace. The court’s vacation home, so to speak. The one in the city is even more opulent but it doesn’t have what I’m looking for. The place we’re going is behind this one. Look past the gardens and across the field._

Rey looked and saw exactly what he was talking about. Behind the palace were manicured squares of earth—an opulent garden and beyond that, a far wilder field of flowers, though it still had defined borders. Beyond that was yet another square of earth, and inside it were neat rows of trees, grass, and what looked to be like tiny buildings. She wondered if she could set the _Falcon_ down in the square of flowers and as if anticipating her, Ben answered in her mind that yes, she could. 

Rey was out of the ship and on solid ground in an excited burst of energy. She knelt, right where she was, and cupped a wildflower in her hands. The flower was a shocking blue, the kind of blue she saw in hot fires or… lightning. 

Rey stood, suddenly less enthusiastic about the flowers. “Why are we here?”

_I want to show you something._

The month they’d spent living in one mind had not revealed how their connection worked. Neither of them understood how it was that they couldn’t read each other’s thoughts, though they sometimes felt each other’s emotions. How Rey couldn’t see Ben’s memories like they were her own, but she could sense what he was remembering regardless. And neither understood how he could sometimes direct her body, as if it were nothing more than a craft they could take turns piloting. And this is what Ben did with her now, moving her feet forward toward the strange little garden with the small buildings. 

_Did my mother tell you, during your training, about our family?_

“Everyone knows who her father is.”

_Right. But there’s more to it. Did you know that she was both a born princess and an adopted princess?_

“I’m not sure I follow.”

_She was adopted by the Organa family, and Breha Organa was a queen, so she was given the title of princess. Her birth mother had also been a queen—an elected one. My mother was destined to be royalty one way or another._

“Making you a prince.”

 _Let’s not get ahead of ourselves._ Rey snorted. _Her birth mother was Padme Naberrie, who took the title Amidala when she became Queen._

Rey kept walking, though her pace slowed. She wasn’t sure if it was her own command or Ben’s. She wrinkled her nose slightly. “And she fell in love with Darth Vader.”

_No. She fell in love with Anakin Skywalker._

“They’re the same—”

 _You know that’s not true. You wouldn’t have taken Kylo’s hand._ That stung, for reasons Rey couldn’t explain. Ben seemed to sense it, and gentled his tone. _Rey, it’s Padme we’re going to see. Her grave, anyway._

Rey halted altogether, a move she knew she’d made of her own choice, and threw a startled look to the plot of land with the tiny buildings. “This is a cemetery?”

_No. These are mostly memorials for politicians and nobles, and the Naboo usually cremate their dead. But Padme wasn’t cremated._

“Why?”

_That’s…. Complicated. But I did want to warn you, when we go in… she lies in glass._

She felt her body turn and her gaze settle on a particular building, a small building that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but Padme Amidala’s mausoleum. An intricate stained glass window gleamed in golden and blue tones in one wall of the quarried stone structure, depicting a beautiful woman with a crown unlike any Rey had ever seen. Rey didn’t move forward, and she knew it was childish fear that kept her rooted to the spot. 

_She’s still beautiful. Even after all this time. I know it’s strange, but I want you to see her. I want to see her too._

“Okay, Ben,” was all Rey said. She would do this for him. She gathered her courage and pushed open the heavy mausoleum door. 

Though he was right that Padme was still beautiful, showing not even a trace of decay, Rey was grateful that he’d warned her of the glass because beautiful as she was, it was strangely unsettling to see. In a glass casket that floated above the stone floor, Padme looked as if she were merely sleeping on a bed of velvet and flowers, her hair still shiny and perfectly fanned around her, her skin creamy and pink. The golds and blues of the light as it shone through the stained glass fell onto the glass casket and the floor, making the whole inside of the place glow like a faceted gem.

Rey moved forward and, after a moment of hesitation, rested her hand on the glass. “Well, those cheekbones certainly run in your family, don’t they?”

Ben chuckled. _It’s no wonder my grandfather was desperately in love. But his love for her grew poisonous. In his anger and jealousy, he nearly killed her, and then his turn to the Dark left her so hurt and weak that she died right after giving birth to my mother and uncle._

Rey felt the atmosphere shift between them. It prickled on the back of Rey’s neck. “Why did you want me to see her?”

She waited in the silence, giving him time. Then he spoke. _Rey… what happened on Crait… in the forest of Starkiller… even on the wreckage of the Death Star_ —

“Don’t,” Rey said. “You’re not like him.”

_But I was so close._

“You? I’m the one who put a saber in you. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you never take a swing at me unless I take one first. Even on Starkiller, before you loved me, you didn’t fight to hurt me, only to defend yourself.” The image of Padme before her blurred, and Rey wiped at her eyes. “Ben. You’re not like him. Just like I’m not like my grandfather. You stood by my side and fought with me. You _saved_ me. Anakin’s love may have turned dark, but yours is pure light.”

Silence again, and Rey got the feeling Ben was turning that over in his mind.

_I wanted… I wanted him to know. Not to show him what he should have done or to make myself feel superior to the great Vader. But to show him that it was indeed possible to save the one you love._

“You saved me, now I’ll save you.” Rey looked down at Padme, saying a silent goodbye and thanking her for Leia, for Luke, for Ben. “We can visit Naboo as long as you want, Ben, but after this, it’s time to figure out how to bring you back.”

_Rey…_

“There’s a reason why I’m keeping your soul. It’s so you can return.”

_It’s because my soul is attached to yours. Nothing more. One day, when it’s your time, we’ll both move on. We’ll be together again, really together._

“That’s unacceptable. I do not accept that the only way we can be together is if we’re both dead. We’re meant for more. Of course we are. We’re a dyad. We’re meant to have _time_ together. Grow old together, have children, have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We’re meant to drive each other crazy and then pull each other back to sanity. We’re meant to cry together, laugh together. To love. This was not supposed to be the end of our journey together. It’s not right. It’s not _fair!_ And what is the point? What is the point of being the first dyad in generations, just for you to die in my arms! What’s the point in this all-powerful connection if I never get to feel your hand in mine again! What’s the point if I can’t save _you_ this time? _What is the point?!?!”_

Rey’s body instinctively sucked in air, preventing her from suffocating herself with her own tirade, and the feel of air in her lungs drew her out of the haze of rage and back into the present. She doubled over on the casket as she fought to catch her breath through choking sobs. Though he didn’t say anything, just let her cry it out, Ben’s presence wrapped around her like a soft blanket. If she closed her eyes, she could almost fool herself into believing it was a real touch. Rey let herself believe it for a long time, until she felt her strength return. She shook her head and pushed up from the glass.

“I felt Luke. When he was a ghost, he could touch me. We can’t even have that.” Rey sniffed. “I don’t want you to move on because that would mean you’re truly dead, and our connection would be severed. But it would be so nice to see that smile again. I only got to see it once.”

_I’m just as angry as you are. Not with the Force or any other power, just myself. It’s my own fault we didn’t have that time. I should have come back to the light sooner._

For a moment, Rey was quiet except for her sniffling, and Ben’s voice was silent in her head. She let herself take in the power of the place: Padme’s strength, the love for her children and Anakin, Anakin’s love for her.

_Rey, we can go. We can go to the Archives. We can go to Ahch-To or back to Exegol or where ever you want to go and research. But you have to promise me something._

“Anything.”

_If there’s no way to bring me back… you have to live. You have to go on._

“Go on. With your voice in my head.”

_Yes._

Rey knew better than to ask what would happen if she couldn’t. They both knew she could, even if it meant becoming a shell of herself. So she asked the question she really meant: “What if I won’t?”

His voice had the stern tone of Leia’s, the dry, no-nonsense delivery of Han’s. _I didn’t give you my life so you could throw yours away. Promise me, Rey._

Rey spread her fingers on the glass, Padme’s beautiful, pure face beneath them. She swallowed, nodded, and managed to give him the words he wanted to hear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe I didn’t do everything selflessly, Ben. Maybe I fought as hard as I did and made the right decisions even if they were harder because I expected that, eventually, I’d get something in return. And what did I get? I’ve lost the only family I’ve ever known. I’ve lost the only person who ever really understood me. I’ve lost the other half of me.” To her horror, Rey realized she was crying again. Twice in one day. If she were still on Jakku, she’d be dehydrated. “And maybe it’s not even that I feel like I was cheated. That I wasn’t given my due. Maybe it’s more that I’ve realized that this world doesn’t reward doing the right thing, and I’m not sure how to reconcile that. I’m not sure how to live in it.”

_ Wait. Where are you going? _

Rey ignored the voice in her head and shifted the  _ Falcon _ ’s hyperdrive to full speed. For once, she was thankful that Ben wasn’t physically there, so she didn’t have to look into his eyes while she explained.

“There are things I need. People who are worried about me. If we’re going to do this, I need to let them know.”

_ Use the comm. _

“Ben.”

There was a growl that turned into a sigh.  _ It’s hard, Rey. I have to listen to everyone’s opinion about me. And before you say anything, I know it’s no less than what I deserve.  _

“You’ll note, I didn’t say that.” Hyperspace lit Rey’s face light blue. “It’s hard for them, too. I had some time. Glimpses of Ben there underneath the mask. They didn’t have that. I’ve asked them to believe me, and they want to, but…”

Another sigh.

“Please. Give them time.”

It wasn’t long before Rey set the  _ Falcon  _ down at the Resistance base, where it seemed the entirety of the galaxy was stationed at the moment, and everyone was busy in whatever role they filled.

_ Seems like they’re anxious to get their new government underway.  _

“Don’t say it like that.”

_ Like what? _

“So… doubtful.” Rey leaned back in the pilot’s seat, unbuckling her belt but not moving to exit the craft and join in the hubbub outside. 

_ You don’t seem too confident yourself. _

“It’s just…” Rey gestured vaguely and uselessly toward the others on the ground. “When has it ever worked? It’s either too powerful, too corrupt, too weak, or too divided. And what if it does work? What if we set up something like the old Senate and it’s fantastic, until the next power-hungry Force user comes along?”

_ When did you become a cynic? _

“I don’t know.” Rey closed her eyes and pictured Ben: Ben fighting back to back with her, Ben reaching out a hand for her, Ben asking for her hand, Ben’s smile when she’d kissed him…

“I’m not a cynic,” she whispered. “People are good. I believe in love and friendship and loyalty and doing the right thing. But maybe…”

_...maybe? _

“Maybe I didn’t do everything selflessly, Ben. Maybe I fought as hard as I did and made the right decisions even if they were harder because I expected that, eventually, I’d get something in return. And what did I get? I’ve lost the only family I’ve ever known. I’ve lost the only person who ever really understood me. I’ve lost the other half of me.” To her horror, Rey realized she was crying again. Twice in one day. If she were still on Jakku, she’d be dehydrated. “And maybe it’s not even that I feel like I was cheated. That I wasn’t given my due. Maybe it’s more that I’ve realized that this world doesn’t reward doing the right thing, and I’m not sure how to reconcile that. I’m not sure how to live in it.”

_ I’ve never been able to see the world as you saw it, Rey. As hopeful. Because that’s what it is. You didn’t expect a reward; you hoped you’d find what you were looking for when it was all said and done. There’s a difference. Even now, after turning back to the light and embracing all the good things about people… I still doubt that they can do the right thing or that they will.  _

“Your mother always seemed to have hope.”

_ My mother gave great motivational speeches.  _

“Ben.”

_ Sure. She was hopeful. But she also had a way of sizing up a person and seeing straight through bantha shit. So… She knew the ugliness inside someone, and chose to hope there was enough good in them to do the right thing anyway. Other than you, I think she was the only one who doubted the Jedi academy stories. She had plenty of reason to believe I’d done it, but I always felt that bit of hope that maybe I hadn’t killed all of Luke’s students. _

“Maybe it’s not so much that I no longer have hope, it’s that I’m scared to. And I don’t know how to keep going if nothing I hope for will ever happen.”

She could sense Ben churning that over in his incredibly deep mind, but he didn’t get the chance to say more. At that moment, three pairs of heavy footsteps pounded up the  _ Falcon’s  _ ramp. 

“Rey!” Finn’s voice cracked with happiness. “You’re back...Oh no. You’re crying.”

Finn, Poe, and Rose pulled up short inside the craft and winced with concern. 

“I’m fine. I just… I was just kind of remembering Leia wouldn’t be here. It hit me all over again.” Rey wiped away wetness on her cheeks and forced a smile. “Sorry to have been gone so long. What have I missed?”

“Mostly just trying to figure out what to do with the remaining members of the First Order,” Poe said with a shrug. Rey noted that, although he was still in rough-looking pants, shirt, and bandana, his clothes were now clean, free of oil stains, and unwrinkled. More than that, there was a shiny silver pin on his lapel. “Most of these stormtroopers have no idea where they even came from.”

Finn’s face twisted. “I haven’t decided if I want to know. Honestly, I think I have enough family here. Right?”

Everyone nodded, including Rey, who felt her eyes well with tears again. 

_ There are records. _

“What?” Rey asked, and the others looked at her strangely. She feigned confusion. “Sorry, thought one of you said something.”

_ The First Order kept records. Every child had a file, and if we didn’t have a parent’s name, we at least had a planet, maybe even a region on that planet.  _

_ Why?  _ Rey asked Ben in her mind.  _ Clearly you didn’t care that you were taking them from their families and making them fight for you. Why bother keeping a record of who they were? _

_ I wish I could tell you we were being thoughtful and thinking of them as people with feelings. It wasn’t that. It was that knowing their background—and their genes—could help us train them better.  _

Rey had to remind herself not to growl at Ben in front of the others.  _ Meaning it helped you break their brains more efficiently so you could brainwash them.  _

_ Conformity was everything in the First Order.  _ She could hear the robotic tone of his voice, as if he was still trying to break free of First Order dogma himself.  _ Tell Poe that the records would be stored in a databank on any of the First Order’s dreadnoughts. All he’d need is a medallion of a high ranking officer, which obviously he has. _

Rey smiled sweetly at Poe, hoping her charm would make any questions about where she got her information disappear. “There’s a databank with every trooper’s planet listed. Check the dreadnoughts. You just need the medallion.”

The charm didn’t work on Finn. “You’ve known this and you didn’t tell me?”

“No, Finn. It’s not like that. I…” Rey looked around helplessly, like Ben could help her with this part. But of course he couldn’t. “I just… know it. Just now. Talking about it with you and suddenly, I just knew.”

“Like a feeling.”

She nodded. “Like a feeling. But there is something I need to tell all of you.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “There’s more to it, isn’t there? More than Kylo Ren saving your life?”

“A lot more.”

At that, her three friends looked an equal mix of angry and worried. 

_ Rey. I’m not sure telling them this is a good idea.  _

_ How else can I explain what my life is like and what I have to do now? _

“Actually, there’s something I need to tell you, too, Rey,” Finn said, fidgeting. 

Poe rolled his eyes. “Keeping secrets again.”

“No. You all can know. I think you all should know.”

Rose, ever the practical one, sighed loudly. “If we’re going to have a serious talk about Kylo Ren and the great mysteries in Finn’s life, we’re going to need sustenance. Stay here. I’ll get food. Picnic in the  _ Falcon. _ ”

Rose left, and Rey and the two moved to the main hold, gathering around the hologame table, all of them eyeing each other nervously. Rey couldn’t help but giggle at the awkwardness, excited to be part of her little group again. 

_ You missed them. They are family, aren’t they? What is that like? _

The question broke Rey’s heart, and she longed to hold Ben and comfort him. All she could give him was a whispered promise. “Someday you’ll know.”

_ Rey. _

_ Yes? _

_ The stormtrooper information made me realize something. If you’ll let me and help, I can still make amends. It won’t be enough. It will never be enough. But I do want to try. And if I speak and act through you, it will be better received.  _

Rey glanced at Finn, who was knotting then unknotting his fingers again and again.  _ Okay. I’ll do as much as I can. Out of curiosity, what would you do? With the new government, I mean. Poe and Connix and the others have asked for my thoughts and I don’t know what to say. I don’t have much experience leading. And you… well, you’ve seen both sides, with being your mother’s son, and then the First Order. Is there some kind of balance? _

_ Asking a Jedi about balance is a dangerous idea _ , Ben answered with a laugh that sobered quickly.  _ Who is the best person among you? _

Again, Rey looked between her friends, Poe and Finn.  _ Poe is good. So good. But he doesn’t always think and plan before he acts. Finn is worse in that regard because he doesn’t even have the experience to draw from, but unlike Poe, his instincts are seldom wrong. And he is good, too. And Rose… well, I’m not quite sure what you mean by best, but Rose is smart. She’s a thinker. An analyzer. And she’s empathetic, sometimes to a fault. She’s good, and she’s wise.  _

_ Then she’s your leader. Let Poe and Connix head up your armies. Finn is going to be needed for other purposes. _

_ What other purposes? _

_ You’ll see. _

Rose came bounding up the ramp just then with a jug of something that would probably get them all a little tipsy and a basket that contained bowls of stew and crusty bread. She set about handing everyone their portions and Poe dug in without ceremony. Rey, who always took a moment to be grateful for her food before she tried it, simply let the smells lift her spirits. Finn, on the other hand, was literally vibrating in his seat with his leg bouncing nervously. 

“Okay, out with it before you drive us all insane,” Rose said, glaring at him before sitting down with her own bowl. 

Finn continued to bounce for another few seconds, his tempo speeding up as he gathered his courage, and then he suddenly became very still. Rey held her breath, almost bracing herself for what he was going to say. 

“I’m Force sensitive. Yesterday I… moved something with my mind. Rey, I need your help. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Rey blew out a breath, finding herself relieved and excited for Finn.  _ So you knew that already, Ben Solo, and didn’t bother to tell me? _

Deep, rumbling laughter filled her head.  _ What, did you think he was going to confess his love for you? _

_ Shuddup. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re making complete sense, Rey.” Rose’s voice was filled with warmth, and not a trace of pity. “So, how do we help?”
> 
> “Help? No, there’s nothing you can do. I have to do this on my own. Well, on my own with Ben.”
> 
> “That’s not how we work and you know it,” Poe said, crossing his arms.
> 
> “Yeah, what he said,” Finn said, jerking a thumb in Poe’s direction. Rey looked to Rose, who shrugged, a wicked gleam in her eye. 
> 
> “I missed out on the last adventure. It’s not happening again.”

Her little band of friends sat back, each of their faces moving in their own way from disgust to confusion, back to disgust again. The food had been finished for an hour and they were all steadily nursing the grog that Poe had procured from only Force knew where. 

“So… he’s inside your head?” Poe finally asked, a thick brow arching. 

“It’s more than that. I mean, yes, I can hear him. But his soul can’t move on so it’s...with me.”

“With you.” Finn repeated, looking at some fixed point behind Rey’s head as if he could see Ben if he just stared long enough.

“It’s not like that, either. It feels as though is voice comes from a certain place sometimes but it’s more like the voice I hear inside my own head, that’s mine, only it’s not mine.” Rey blew a stray lock of hair out of her face. “I know it’s hard to grasp. I can hardly explain it myself.”

“Are you sure he’s not just, like, haunting you?” Rose asked.

Rey smiled patiently. “I’m sure. After he disappeared, I heard his voice in my head almost immediately. We were both really confused.”

Rey chuckled and realized no one else thought it was remotely funny, then cleared her throat. But it  _ was  _ a little funny, now that they could look back on it. Ben hadn’t known where he was; she didn’t understand why she was hearing him when he’d just disappeared in front of her eyes. He tried to move on, to become one with the Force, but he couldn’t, and that’s when they realized that the dyad was, quite literally, tying their souls together. 

“Also, I saw Luke and Leia as ghosts when I went to Tatooine. And they weren’t just there to say goodbye to me.” Rey felt Ben’s warmth inside herself at the thought. “If he’d been able to appear as a ghost then, he would have.”

Finn shook his head. “Look, Rey. I know I don’t know much about the Force, not like you do. But have you considered the possibility that it isn’t your dyad that’s keeping him here? What if he can’t move on because of all he did? Maybe he wasn’t, well, light enough.” 

Rey bristled and, inside her body, Ben did the same. “I know there are some places in the galaxy that believe that there’s some kind of punishment for your mistakes when you die. But we don’t believe that, Finn. We become one with the Force again. All of us. Ben was full of light in the end. He had to have been to save me. Only a truly powerful Force user could have brought me back to life, and only if they were completely on the light side.”

_ Thank you _ , Ben whispered as Finn looked properly chastised. 

Poe was looking at her as if she were a puzzle to figure out. “He told you about the stormtrooper records before, didn’t he? It wasn’t just a feeling.”

“It wasn’t just a feeling.”

Finn’s eyes widened. “So he can hear us? He can hear us right now?” Finn looked wildly around himself, like he was afraid of a red lightsaber materializing out of nowhere. 

“He can hear you and no, he’s not mad at you. Sad that he didn’t get the chance to show everyone who he truly was, but not mad.” Rey set a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “He saved me, Finn. At least give him credit for that.”

Finn nodded, and Rey turned to the rest of her friends. “You believe me?”

“Of course,” Rose said, offering Rey a genuine smile. 

“So what now?” Poe asked, his impatience showing. “He just… lives in your head forever?”

“No, we think—or at least I think—that there’s a way to bring him back. And Finn, that’s why I can’t train you. At least not yet.” Rey bit her lip. “I have to figure this out.”

“Seems like it would be easier to cut him free somehow. To undo the dyad,” Finn said.

_ And get the competition out of the way, Finn? Isn’t that what he really means? Honestly, Rey, is this man loyal to anyone but himself? _

_ Quiet, Ben. Your jealousy’s showing. _

Rey smiled as a feral growl filled her ears. “I don’t think that’s possible. I have gathered some information about dyads in the month I’ve been roaming around with Ben’s voice in my head. I had pictured our connection as a tether of sorts, a chain linking my soul to Ben’s. But it’s not like that at all. It’s more…”

Impulsively, Rey reached out and touched Poe’s scarf. “May I borrow this?” He nodded and slipped it off of his neck, handing it to her. She touched the material. It was soft, thin, the threads woven into a loose, open pattern. “See how there’s different color threads in Poe’s scarf? Here’s the black, and then here’s the tan. Then see this section here, how it’s both of them combined and it makes a sort of gray?”

Her friends nodded, studying where the threads met and intertwined. “That gray patch is kind of how Ben and I are. It’s not like I can cut one thread and we’ll both be free. We’re interwoven completely. Even if I managed to rip it in half, there’d be part of him in me, and part of me in him. And, if we did somehow manage to separate all those threads into their respective colors, it would change who I am. Who he is. We couldn’t be gray anymore. Am I making any sense?”

“You’re making complete sense, Rey.” Rose’s voice was filled with warmth, and not a trace of pity. “So, how do we help?”

“Help? No, there’s nothing you can do. I have to do this on my own. Well, on my own with Ben.”

“That’s not how we work and you know it,” Poe said, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, what he said,” Finn said, jerking a thumb in Poe’s direction. Rey looked to Rose, who shrugged, a wicked gleam in her eye. 

“I missed out on the last adventure. It’s not happening again.”

Rey threw her hands up, resigned. “I may not have anything for you to help with, other than research. It’s probably going to be really boring.”

“Sounds like the odds are good that there’s going to be some danger involved, maybe some hard-to-find objects, perhaps some really complicated and mystical Force stuff too, right?” Poe asked, excitement radiating from him. 

“Very good odds, I’d say,” Rey replied.

_ I’d really rather do this alone.  _

“I promise you we’ll have time alone, Ben, but weren’t you just asking me what it felt like to have friends who were more like family?” Rey said to the voice in her head. “Here’s your chance.”

Rey acknowledged his grunt of frustration with a smirk, then noticed that Rose was staring at her, wide-eyed. 

“Okay… you just spoke to him like he’s here in the room. That was kind of weird, not gonna lie to you.”

“He  _ is  _ in the room, and I feel like he’s more  _ here  _ if I speak out loud. That probably sounds pathetic, and more than a little strange,” Rey said. “But I miss him, and we… we never got the chance to talk like this when he was here. I’m sorry. Will it bother you?”

Her friends exchanged a look, communicating silently. It was Finn who spoke for them, squeezing her arm encouragingly. “You already talk to droids and Wookies fluently. It’s just one more conversation we’ll only hear one side of.”

Rey laughed. “Thanks.”

Poe waved all of this off and went into adventurer mode. “Yeah, yeah. Dyad connections blah blah blah. You’re leaving out the important stuff. Where are we going?”

Rey’s smile fell a bit. “First, we go back to Exegol.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He took our power,” Rey said so quietly it was almost to herself. “He took power from the dyad, like some sort of parasite. I don’t know how he did it. And I don’t understand how, if we were strong enough to give that frail old _thing_ that much power, how the dyad couldn’t save you, Ben.”

It was a mark of how times had changed that they couldn’t just take off in the  _ Falcon  _ for the unknown and spend a few days on a spiritual quest. They were leaders now; Leia was no longer at the helm. Chewie offered his insights, as did some other veterans, but he had no desire to lead. Maz stayed, but she was too much of a loner and a pirate to take on the responsibility of leading their victorious band of resisters. Many of the leaders and politicians from the previous government would stay on but many were ready to hand over the reins to a new generation, and many more were just tired of facing down corruption. 

Poe had sent BB-8 into the wreckage of a First Order dreadnought and the little droid had happily breached the databank security and found the files on the stormtroopers. It was going to take weeks to organize and perhaps even decipher, but some of the Resistance’s best techs were on the job. He’d also selected a council, who would not only be in charge while he was off chasing ghosts, but would make the decision on where the seat of the government would lie now that they could have something more permanent. Rose had given a detailed plan of what their fleet needed, what could be salvaged from First Order ships, and what needed to be retired from the fleet forever. Finn… well, Finn didn’t have any instructions to leave behind while they were away for a few days, so Rey helped him pack a little light reading: a few of the sacred Jedi texts she’d swiped from the tree on Ahch-To.

All in all, it was two days before Rey’s gang of friends could break free of their responsibilities and pack themselves into the  _ Falcon  _ for another adventure. 

The journey to Exegol passed almost silently. Rey stayed at the controls even through hyperspace, staying alert and focused, her mind and Ben’s scanning the Force. The Sith Eternal had been defeated, but there was no telling what they might encounter. There would always be someone seeking the Sith path; always someone greedy for more, always someone looking for a way out of their fears. Palpatine had surprised them all, even Ben, and Rey got the feeling that she might be looking over her shoulder her whole life. 

Poe parked himself in the co-pilot’s seat, and Rey appreciated that he let her take control. Even in a ship that wasn’t his, Poe had a hard time letting anyone else take the wheel, but his trust meant a lot. He even bit his tongue when she’d had a momentary lapse of protocol and had almost sent them prematurely into hyperspace. The general clearly had questions on his mind, but he didn’t voice any of them, giving her space with her thoughts, Ben’s, and the Force. 

Flickers in the energy around them told Rey that Finn was deep into reading the texts, and she could feel it when the words were clicking inside his head, but if he had any questions, he kept them to himself as well. 

Rose, sensing that no one was up for conversation, had disappeared somewhere inside the freighter, probably fixing something that needed to be fixed, which on the  _ Falcon  _ could have been a multitude of things. 

When they came out of hyperspace and entered Exegol’s atmosphere, the mood between them all shifted as quickly as the flashes of static lightning around them. The Citadel seemed to rise out of nothing, as black and bleak as the land on which it sat. At the mouth of the long, imposing entrance was an abandoned TIE. 

Rey sucked in a breath. “I forgot it would still be here.”

_ Leave it. It’s a symbol of the First Order’s wealth, built on the backs of lives we stole. Maybe it will turn to dust in the wretched place. _

As Rey was listening to Ben, Poe had quietly taken over the controls and landed them next to the TIE and brought down the ramp. Finn was on his feet, bouncing with nerves. Rose had emerged from one of the inner cabins, her face etched with concern. 

“What are our orders?” Poe asked. With a nonchalance that he was trying hard to achieve, he was checking his over his blasters. 

“I’m not sure what we’ll encounter here. What I did, it wiped out all the Sith who were here. I’m just nervous that some remain. Or other seekers have found this place.” Rey glanced at Finn, knowing only he could really understand her next words. “And this place has had so much darkness in it for so long. I believe that this place, in and of itself, might be dangerous.”

Finn nodded. “So you need protection.What else?”

“I mostly want to retrace my steps. There were moments… during…” Rey shook her head. “I need to remember what happened when that  _ thing  _ took energy from us, from the dyad. Maybe understanding that will reveal how to get it back. Or something. And maybe we can look around. Maybe the Sith left behind texts or records.”

“Okay, then.” Rose clicked off the safety on her blaster. “Let’s do this.”

One side of Poe’s mouth quirked up. “Tico, I like you more and more every day.”

“All right. Enough of the love fest,” Finn said. He jerked his head toward the ramp. “I’ll take the lead.”

“You know if there’s anything here, I’m the best person to face it. You’re nowhere near trained enough.”

Finn leaned forward, voice low. “Exactly why I’m the first one to get shot. They shoot you first, we’re all dead.”

_ He’s got a point. _

“Did I ask for your commentary, Solo?” 

Poe snorted. “Ghost boy’s in trouble…” 

The laugh did them all the favor of releasing some tension, but they gained it all back three-fold when their feet hit the Exegolian soil. As if sensing their presence, the planet’s lightning sparked and flickered. 

“I have no idea how you walked in this creepy place, alone, to face  _ Palpatine, _ ” Rose whispered. 

_ Neither do I. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.  _

In spite of everything, Rey felt herself flush. She stared up at the imposing Citadel, remembering. It hadn’t been bravery. It had been desperation. Luke was long gone, Leia had just died. There was no one else that could stand up to him and save everyone. 

Well, there was another. And he had shown up. Boy, had he shown up.

“Ben…” Rey whispered, lip quivering.

_ I’m right here, sweetheart.  _

Finn was watching her, his expression kind. She nodded to him, and he started to lead the way. 

The interior of the Citadel was a mess, to the point that she didn’t know how the structure was still standing. The giant Sith statues were all toppled, broken into millions of pieces of nondescript stone. There was still a path to that… Rey didn’t know what it was called. Sanctuary? Arena? They had to sidestep some debris and climb over others, but it wasn’t too hard, considering. 

_ The Jedi that helped you, _ Ben provided.  _ They would have made sure there was a clear way out. _

“I didn’t recognize all of their voices,” Rey said, and Poe was the one to ask. 

“When the Jedi came?”

“Yes. I wish I had. I would have liked to know who was helping me.”

_ I’ll tell you all about them.  _

“You know?” Rey asked. 

“Okay,” Finn said, looking back at her. “I can fully support you talking out loud to him if that’s what you need to do. But I’m dying of curiosity here.”

Rey hopped up on top of a rock and leaned over to pull Rose up as well. “Want to talk to him yourself? He can kind of… take over.”

Rose took her hand back from Rey, looking shocked and amazed. “Okay, now that is truly weird.”

“But it makes sense, if we’re two souls stuck in one body. Ben?” She felt his hesitation give way to wonder, but she willed her permission to him and almost immediately, he fully possessed her. She felt the change, felt that she was no longer in control of her mouth, but could feel it moving and hear her own voice saying the words.

_ “When he cast me down into the cavern, I could feel you call to them. The Jedi who have come before. And I heard their voices too, Rey, and I haven’t even met most of them myself, but I knew who they were. Through the stories I’ve been told and just, well, a feeling. Obi-Wan spoke to you, my grandfather Anakin, Yoda—he has a very particular way of speaking so there was no doubt, Qui-Gon—we should have a long discussion about him—Mace Windu, Ahsoka Tano—probably another long discussion there—and a whole chorus of others that deserve to have their histories recorded. We should do that. I think we owe it to the future Jedi. We should remember the ones who came before.” _

Rey felt her body come back slightly into her control, though Ben was waiting to see if more needed to be said. 

Finn squinted at Rey. “Why didn’t they help you out of the cavern?”

_ “I think it must have taken all their strength to do what they did. To face a whole Sith cult down, all living, when they were only ghosts. And she was the hope. It wasn’t me.” _

“But you’d turned,” Poe said, and both Rey and Ben were comforted by his defense. “And you were part of a seriously strong dyad. Why not help you too?”

_ “I don’t know. I just don’t know. Maybe it was part of the plan. Maybe they knew I’d save her. Maybe they’d given me too many chances already. I don’t know why, but I am glad they were there for her.” _

Ben left abruptly, making Rey stumble a bit, as if he’d thrown her physically off-balance, not just mentally. She gave her friends a forced smile. “Ben climbed to me. He was almost dead himself, a broken leg, broken ribs, his insides were bleeding. But he climbed to me, crawled to me, and gave me everything he had left.”

They’d reached the center of the Citadel, where a cavernous room yawned before them. Her companions covered her, pointing their blasters outward and scanning the rubble closely for a few tense minutes before lowering them, satisfied. The room was dark, though lightnng flashes continually made it bright as day. Rey took out her saber and ignited it, casting a faint yellow circle all around them. There was a crack in the floor wide enough that no human could jump across it; that was where Ben had been cast, where he’d pulled himself up despite his unbearable pain to give her what life he had left in him. Rey outstretched her lightsaber, daring to look down at what appeared to be a bottomless crack in the planet. 

“He took our power,” Rey said so quietly it was almost to herself. “He took power from the dyad, like some sort of parasite. I don’t know how he did it. And I don’t understand how, if we were strong enough to give that frail old  _ thing  _ that much power, how the dyad couldn’t save you, Ben.”

_ There’s so much we don’t understand, Rey.  _

“Why didn’t the Jedi come for you?”

_ When have they ever? What I said earlier was true. You were and are their hope. I wasn’t.  _

“Tell me how you did it, Ben. Tell us all. How did you bring me back to life?”

Rey could sense him gathering his thoughts before taking over her mouth.  _ “I’d read about it. Years ago, when I was just a boy… I used to copy out ancient texts by hand to practice, well, to practice calligraphy. You can all mock me for that later.”  _ Rey didn’t have control of her own body, or she would have snorted at that.  _ “It also helped me learn. Writing it all in my own hand made it stick in my brain. I remembered the stories, the technique. I knew the basics of what I had to do. But I knew I could do it, because you’d healed me earlier. I had your knowledge, just like when we first connected with our minds and suddenly you could wield a lightsaber with  _ my  _ style. I closed my eyes and tried to feel every bit of the Force within me. And once I found every last particle of it, I gave it all to you. I let it flow through me, drain from me, into you. It felt water slipping through my fingers, and you catching it in your hands. And then you woke.” _

When he let her have her body back, Rey realized she was crying. She blinked away tears and saw that Rose was sniffling as well. 

“I know that he is different from Kylo Ren, but I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how the person who saved you, so beautifully, destroyed so many others.” Rose glanced at the cavern. “But hearing that makes me wish I’d had time to get to know the Ben side of him. Because what he did for you…”

Finn wrapped an arm around Rose’s shoulders and pulled her close. “We’re all grateful to you, Ben. We love our courageous Jedi.”

_ So do I. _ Rey felt him gently probe at her mind, asking for permission, which she gave. He spoke out loud to them all.  _ “There’s nothing for us here, Rey. Nothing but anger and sadness. Our love was built on hope. On perseverance. On courage and patience and strength and gentleness. I have to believe that our dyad is built on the same things.” _

“Shouldn’t we at least look for texts?”

Rey felt a caress in her mind, a ghost of a hand on the small of her back.  _ “Everything here is Sith. Darkness. I think we need to look in the light. Nothing here is going to be eternal. I think we were right in coming here. I think we both had to try to understand, but now I’m not sure we’ll ever get the answers we’d like to have.” _

Rey took a moment to look all around the ritual room of the Citadel, the terror and helplessness coming back to her all over again. Then she shut her eyes and pictured Ben’s face, the look he’d given her when they’d Force-bonded, the one where he nodded and his whole being said to her,  _ I’m here.  _

Rey thumbed off her saber, and with the yellow light, all that fear left her. She pushed it out, gave it back to Exegol, where she hoped it would stay. 

Finn seemed to understand. He grinned. “So where to now? Where do we look in the light?”

“The Core Worlds. It’s time to visit what’s left of the Jedi Archives.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know where this is going, I swear, and I'm about 60% sure of how to get there. That number will go up as I research. I'm a librarian, dammit.


End file.
